Contempt

contemptn contempt [kənˈtempt]1 very low opinion; scorn

This particular behaviour is a red flag in any relationship. In his book Blink, Malcolm Galdwell writes about the importance of contempt. For example in a marriage, you can tell by the body language and verbal communication of the individuals if it is going to work or if they should start hiring their lawyers and thinking about the custody plan.

There are four major negative reactions that could come up in a realtionship. They are defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism and contempt, where contempt is the worst of all. Criticism can be used a condemnation of one´s character, but contempt is a scornful disregard and condemnation where the person sees him/herself as superior. This brings to the koko of today´s post.

My friend is seeing someone who I´m afraid may fall into the contemptious category. I have seen them together a couple of times and she has told me about several occasions where the guy would totally disregard her opinion but would make sure she obliged when he brought up an idea. She told me, once he was celebrating his birthday, she had helped him with planning and he had only invited his friends and family. Ofcourse she was bored to death...now my friend is ugandan and the boyfriend is german, so I guess one can only go so far. The last occasion was the one to confirm my suspicions. We were at an event hosted by the ivorian womens´club in Freiburg. Anyway the guy came very late and throughout the look on his face was priceless.

You did not need to be psychic to read the "I would rather be anywhere else but here" expression on his face. He refused the drinks offered and ofcourse at the end of the event he couldn't wait to leave. As I watched them, I discovered my friend was a bit embarrassed at the whole situation. My question is, why would anyone let themselves in such a stupid situation. If you are in a relationship especially intercultural/racial, there MUST be a mutual respect and regard. If he /she shows contempt for you, your culture, your occupation, it is best you part ways because in the long run, it is not worth the stress.